Entertained by Hopelessness

Early evening sunlight warmed the porch and streamed into the kitchen where I was frantically managing dinner. The chicken was out on the grill, the potatoes were boiling, the veggies were steaming, and the garlic bread was finally in the toaster oven. I was attempting to set the table and tame two hangry boys whining and crying at my feet (quite literally). In all the chaos, I was also trying to listen to a video Brian had sent me before he got home.

The video contained piercing, hard-to-listen-to commentary about the state of our country, exposing corruption and cowardice on both sides of the political lines. The narrator connected historical events to present circumstances and painted a bleak future if we continue in our ways. It was meant to be alarming. Captivatingly horrific.

I kept pausing the video to run from the grill to the stove to the oven to the boys to the table. I should have turned it off. But the video validated my fears about current affairs; and so each time, I chose, with an almost miserable greed, to turn it back on. Even as hopelessness slithered in and I felt physically ill.

By the end, I was overwhelmed at the enormity of the wickedness running rampant in our world. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And just like that, hopelessness gave way to despair.

*

He’d been on the run a long time, living in caves and sleeping under the stars. But he could still remember the warmth of the oil pouring through his hair as an impossible promise was spoken over his life. It felt like a lifetime ago.

Sometimes he wondered if the promise was worth all the pain. Wondered why the wicked seemed to prosper so easily while he and his men scavenged and scraped by. Wondered why God had abandoned his country to a mad man bent on killing him.

He felt the bitter taste of despair deep in his marrow. But he also knew Yahweh. Knew the sweetness of His joy and delight. And so he fled Saul’s torment with the same unwavering confidence in the Eternal he had when a small, smooth stoned felled a giant and silenced Israel’s fears.

*

A few weeks ago, while listening to a sermon from a pastor I know and respect deeply, a question stopped me up short:

What if we refuse to be entertained by hopelessness?

I haven’t been able to get this question out of my head. And the more I mull it over, the more I keep thinking about the word entertain. It can mean “to be amused by.” But it also means “to keep, hold, or maintain in the mind.” It’s also used when referring to hosting others (i.e. you entertain others in your home).

All of these apply.

The second we find hopelessness captivating, it takes root in our minds. Suddenly we find ourselves guests in its dark home, being served a platter of despair and desolation.

*

David was a deeply flawed man who burned with a passion for Yahweh like no one had before him. In his later years, he penned Psalm 37, one of my favorite psalms. By the time he wrote this, he’d committed horrible sins and experienced stunning victories. He’d steered an entire nation back to God, but still had family problems. But he kept choosing God, and his Spirit-inspired words echo Truth and Hope across the centuries, speaking directly to our hearts today.

Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
    when they carry out their wicked schemes.

For the power of the wicked will be broken,
    but the Lord upholds the righteous.

For the Lord loves the just
    and will not forsake his faithful ones.

Psalm 37:7–8, 17, 28

*

After the video finished, I felt despondent. Angry. Shaken. Fearful of the future. I mashed the potatoes a little too forcefully and snapped at the boys. When Brian got home later than expected, I gave him the cold shoulder. I projected an irritable silence over the dinner table.

But somewhere, in between bites of broccoli, I realized what I was doing. I was choosing to give hopelessness the place of power in my mind. I was allowing it to dictate my internal reality and my outward actions.

I prayed. I confessed. I apologized to my family. And I immediately brought to mind the verses above. I could feel the despair receding as I refocused on Truth and Hope. We started talking and laughing while we ate. We cleaned up and went outside to wrestle and run around, giggling and being silly in the evening summer sunlight.

*

David had a choice: he could cower to the same giant of fear like the rest of his countrymen or he could declare the victory of God. He could wallow in despair as wickedness prospered and his life was in danger and the fulfillment of his promise seemed unattainable. Or he could rest in the strength, goodness, and faithfulness of God.

He didn’t do it perfectly, but he did it. And God used his one, simple choice time and again to bring victory over the darkness.

 And we all have this choice.

We can choose to stop clicking on the scandalous headlines. To keep scrolling past inflammatory opinions and articles. To stop feeding our fears and rehashing our pain.

This doesn’t mean we stick our heads in the sand or sit idly by. It does mean that we acknowledge those big emotions and fears because they are part of being human. But rather than dwelling on them and allowing them access to our minds and hearts, we channel them into honest, passionate prayer.

It means we rest in the strength, goodness, and faithfulness of the One who holds the future in His hands. It means we fill ourselves with whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable excellent, and praiseworthy.

We can choose to stop being entertained by hopelessness.

We won’t do it perfectly. But we will do it. And God will use that one, simple choice—sometimes made over and over again—to lead us through the murkiness of fear and uncertainty. To transform our internal realities and outward actions. To bring joy and laughter again.

He will use it to dispel the darkness, one mind, one heart, at time.

***